Wow, it's been a long time since I last posted. Things have gotten a little bit better in my life. I'm not completely in such a dark hurting myself place anymore as I once was when I started this blog.
Where to start?
Truthfully, in my last post I still wasn't completely over the Guy I posted about even though I thought I was but now I can honestly swear on the Holy Book of Mormon that I am over him 100%! Man, it is an answer to prayer. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel free, like the world is my oyster. I talked with him and spent some one on one time with him this week and I didn't feel anything. I didn't hope for anything. It was good. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it might be to talk to him but talking to him came easily like it always had between us. The next day I replayed our converstion through my mind again and I thought maybe we could be friends again like before but as I facebook stocked him today for the first time this year I realized we have less in common than I originally thought. Our lives are just too different and being real friends again like we used to be will probably never be in our futures. That time is gone between us. I think I will always care for this Guy and hope the best for him but my feeling will never again go deeper than that.
I am excited about a new book I bought off of Amazon called Verbal Advantage by Charles Harrington Elster. I am hoping that the results the book promises to all those who read and study it will be true for me as well because it has been recently brought to my attention that I speak like an idiot.
I was given a book recently called Weakness Are Not Sin that I look forward to reading because I have a weakness or what I would call an addiction that I have struggled with mastering my whole life because I have just too much testosterone in my body! Everytime I do this addiction it sends me to a dark place. Thats why all my posts have been so emo because I continue to have a problem doing this addiction every week. It sucks that that Guy and I will never be close friends again because I don't know what it is about him but every time I spend time with him I find reslove within myself to be better and find strength to overcome my inclination to give into my "itch" every night.
I've been perfect since Wednesday which I know is only 3 day but HELL that is a grand achievement for me. Its kind of ironic. I know that once I get married I will no longer struggle with my addiction but I have to overcome my addiction so I can get married!!! It's crazy noh? For example in order to get a job you need work experience but in order to get work experience you need a job! Its buang! (crazy in English)
I honestly believe friendships are never really broken. Even though people parts ways we don't abandon the feeling we have for one another. I have parted ways with so many people that I still love and care about and think about daily. That I wish our lives weren't so different that we could still be friends. Many of my friends from high school that used to make me scream laughing and feel so warmly accepted by them despite my idiot speaking skills now do things for fun and entertainment that I just can participate in and remain strong. It's hard for one person to lift people up around them but its easy for people to pull that one person down. I can't be brought down by pornography, drugs, alcohol, immorality and gambling etc.. I wish I could say I was a strong enough person to say I can do whats right when I am around those things but I am not. I miss them all dearly and would be delighted to see them and spend time with them but are lives are different now. I honestly care for so many people that I feel I can't do anything for that I feel like I should be helping in some way.
Well, lets see here before I close I am truly enjoying my new calling at church over FHE. It's stressful but it is keeping me busy and in the lime light so I can't revert back to my dark corner.
Well, thats all for now folks! Peace out!
