Some who do and some who don't

I recently just finished watching Lark Rise to Candleford.  It was a great series.  I liked it because it had 3 old spinsters in it.  One of the spinsters gets married at the end of the series though. One of the characters in the series says, "For some women it is their lot to marry and for others well it is not."  I feel like it not my destiny to marry in this life.  I feel like I will be alone as long as I shall roam the earth.  There are a lot of advantages to never marrying. I think I am coming to accept being by myself and growing accustomed to the thought of that is the way it shall always be.  It is not my way to marry.  I'm too old to marry.  I know that God shall not deny any blessings to those who live righteously so I expect I'll marry in my next life but as for the one I'm living in now I am okay with being with just me. I will not marry and that is okay. I don't think I can make room in my life for someone else.  No, I don't think I will ever marry.

Feeling lonely but please don't talk to me

I've come to the realization that I probably have depression. I hate it. I hate that prayer and righteous living isn't enough.  I  haven't been officially diagnosed by a MD yet but no matter what good things take place in my life I've never felt more alone and unhappy and unsatisfied with my life.
I decided I'm going to die young. I'm too sick to live older than 65.
I'm stuck in this weird space time continuum. I hate people, I highly dislike talking to people, interacting with people, being in the same room, space, or even building, or neighborhood as people. I don't like people seeing me or acknowledging me. I wish I had Bilbo Baggins ring which would allow me to walk around invisible among everyone yet its weird that I do long, yearn, and desire friendship. Yet the anxiety I feel and the hate and disgust I feel about myself restrains me from letting me open my mouth to get to know anyone. I can't express the self loathing, and hate, anger, and rage I feel for myself. I'm not a person who can pretend to be someone I'm not. I can't go to a new place and be a whole new person. I am who I am. I won't allow myself to make any friends or be close to anyone because I don't want anyone to know who I am. I am a failure. I let everyone down. I am slow, dumb, and behind, I am an emotional mess, I don't think happy thoughts, I'm sad, very sad every day. I see no light in my future. I am a burden to all who know me. I am such a very sad, sad person. I am so alone with no one to comfort me. I have no family or friends to share heavy burdens with. I am alone and will be alone for the rest of my short life.