I think my lot in life is to bear others burdens. Which is what Jesus Christ did. I have been blessed with the gift of uplifting people and making people feel better about themselves. I have been told this by many others that I have a way of genuinely and honestly expressing to people how amazing they are. I can easily see the strengths and good within every person I meet. I have kind of unconsiously been asking in my prayers for years for Heavenly Father to help me uplift those around me and not until a few seconds ago did I realize that he had answered that prayer of mine.
Uplifting people is something I'm good at and am meant to do. Sometimes it can wear someone out trying to uplift people all the time when they have as many issues as I have but I know that its something I'm meant to do. A talent I'm suppose to continue to cultivate.
Okay, so the next few paragraphs I write are going to be ramblings and thoughts I need to get out of my head.
I am frustrated and angry at Him. All I want is to be his friend and that's all! I know now without a doubt in my mind that I'm not suppose to marry Him. He's a great person, an amazing person; so don't take it the wrong way when I say he is just not the right person for me. Being physical and intimate with someone is essential in a marriage and a relationship and I am not going to be the aggressor. It needs to be mutual. I want to be with someone who wants all of me!! Both inside and out! I am not suggesting you break the Law of Chastity before you get married but holding hands, cuddling, hugging, kissing are an essential part of a relationship before marriage and after marriage that and more is important for success. I talked to my mom last night about everything and she told me about my Aunt Lori who married her first husband who ended up leaving the church, divorcing her and choosing to live an alternate lifestyle and the struggles she faced in that marriage. That really broaden my perspective and helped me realize that I don't want that or him. I don't know why he snubs me all the time.
Well, some good and bad news. I tried to appeal to retake some classes yesterday at FCC so I can get better grades in them and help my GPA and make me eligible to apply to different nursing programs and they denied my petition because I had already passed the classes. They told me that I can't retake those classes from any Jr. college in the SCCCD. So this means I have to retake these classes somewhere else! Hell's YES!!! This means I'm getting out of FRES-NO!!!! I'm exploring my options but I'm going to re-take them somewhere far away from Fresno as I can possibly get. So don't have to deal with C squared, A & G, my child, and a ward that runs me into the ground because no one takes responsibility for their callings!
Well, things are going to get better. I can't believe I'm going to be a quarter of a century old tomorrow! Horse shit!! Crap! What am I going to do?!? I'm not looking forward to it. I wish I can change all records that say its my brithday tomorrow and how old I will be turning. I don't want to be 25! I don't want to qualify to be a Mid-Single Adult! I doubt anyone will remember it other than my family and two best friends. I haven't made a big deal out of it when I tried to make a big deal of other peoples birthdays. Oh well.
I think I'm done rambling. I got stuff to do. Peace out!
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