It's weird. I honestly never want people to think I'm judging them because who am I to judge? no one. It's just I don't want to be around them when they do certain things. Is that judging a person? I love the people, they me me smile until my cheeks hurt and my heart swell with joy but I can't subject myself to and environment where the Spirit can't dwell. I do that enough on my own with my own thoughts and own actions.
Sometimes I think people do things that are bad because it gives them a high. Us Mormons aren't allowed to do that much "bad" so when we do do things that we know are wrong it makes us feel cool, empowered, rebellious, a rush.
I always thought I was good at being bad but I really kind of suck at it because I can't just let go of it all. I always feel the guilt, the hollow emptiness, the nothingness, the worthlessness, the desire to just cease to exist after everytime I do something I know I shouldn't. It's nothing more than lame empty fun lameness.
Wickedness was never happiness and I know that to be too true to the point I can't function if I do things wicked. I'm learning that I shouldn't even do things that are not too bad or almost good because they are still bad. These ways of phrasing them are just excuses used to tie cute pink ribbions around them to make ourselves feel better for doing them.
I'm lame. The end! Sorry about that. Well anyways it's late! and I'm hungery so latez.
1 comment:
Rachelªªªª so um yeah....I have yet to hear how your summer is going as well as your new job as choir directorª i miss you and those small letters are supposed to be exclamation marks but this keyboard in Argentina sucksªªªluv yaª
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