I don't know what Heavenly Father has in store for me but I know it will be good.
Jesus Christ is my hope, my joy, my safety, security and future. He loves me more than anyone ever will. He knows me, my humor, my strengths, my weakness and personality. He suffered for my sins. He gave his life for mine. All I desire is when the day comes that I see his face again that he smiles upon me because he will be able to see his image in my countenance. I desire for him to say to the Father at that time, "This one is mine. She knows her Shepherd's voices and follows Him."
I know my last post seemed pretty despairing. I can't believe how Satan can get into my head and make me feel like a failure and hopeless. He made me feel like I was an exception to the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
I talked to my Bishop on Sunday and he restored my hope for a brighter tomorrow. He gave me a wake up call! Man, what was I thinking? I am strong. I am a pillar of strength. I have the abilities and capacity to be part of miracles. I have the abilities and capacity to make miracles happen in people lives. I can help people remember who they are and feel loved. I have faith in God and know he lives and watches over me.
Satan made me forget who I was but Bishop reminded me who I am and what I can become. I know with a lump beginning to form in my throat that someday I will become an excellent wife and mother in Zion. I know that is in my future. I think Satan makes me doubt the reality of this future that I will have. I know he does. He makes me feel like something must be wrong with me because I haven't found me Eternal Companion yet and I turn to old bad habits to "comfort" myself and feel validated.
Bishop chastised me and I needed it. I can't believe that can devalue myself to such a great extend. I need to remember what Michelle told me on the way home from our trip to Utah that I am beautiful. I know I don't have the BMI that I should or that most people tend to find "attractive" but I'm trying to learn and I think that the Lord is trying to teach me that I'm a catch. HAHAHAHAHA!! I actually discovered after an hour of prayer that I can't become who the Lord needs me to be by myself in this life. This is a huge reality check for me. I know now that I will get married not only because I want to but because I need to. I need to become confident in who am and the abilities and gifts the Lord has given me.
This time has been different. I think I'm really going to lick this bad habit/ weakness in the butt/bud? for good this time. I feel strong enough now. The mountain I have to climb isn't as steep as I thought it would be. I can't wait for 2012. That year is going to be different. I am actually going to achieve all the New Year Resolutions I set. Man, I'm so hopeful and excited for my future. Great things are in store for me I know it!
I decided to re-convert myself to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I decided to be actively engaged in building the kingdom of God here on earth. I decided to become who the Lord needs me to be. Bishop said that maybe I need to up the things I'm doing even more to stay safe from the enticings of Satan. So that is what I am going to do. I'm going to read my scriptures and study them morning and night. I'm going to memorize scriptures. I'm going to serve others every day. I'm going to tell those I love that I love them. I'm going to pray always. I am going to consecrate all my doing unto the Lord. Starting in 2012 I'm going to go to the temple every week or more if I can. I'm so excited.
Life is getting better. I still have things to overcome but it's not impossible anymore.
Peace out! I gotta go pee! ;-P
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